Monday, August 10, 2009

Spotted: Null Setter

So apparently this weekend, an anomaly was sighted at XS in Vegas. I'm talking of course, about a girl who falls into the previously discussed null set. The question is, how does one rate this girl on the supposedly infallible area code system? The answer is one that has required some deep thought and a refill on my ulcer medication (true story). On the one hand, I believe that since the area code system includes the binary scale, it cannot be bested. However, occasionally in a man's life, he comes across a woman so undeniably perfect in every regard that it seems insulting to relegate her to a simple scale. From my understanding, this happened this past weekend. Simply put, she broke the area code.

The solution? Give her an 818. I know it makes no sense, but just follow me. Turn that 818 to the side, each digit individually, like so:

The result is a girl whose body and personality is a rated at infinity and who breaks the binary scale. 818 is also the area code for the San Fernando Valley, so maybe that means something. Probably not, though. In order to preserve the integrity of the area code system, the following conditions must be met to make this girl a Null Setter:
1. Every single person in the group must agree that she is worthy.
2. Rating may not be used after midnight on any single drinking night.
3. Potential Null Setter (PNS) (... haha, I'm 12 years old) must be actually met and conversed with in person (so no Megan Fox ratings).
4. PNS may not work in the business of pleasure (so no porn stars, strippers, or hookers). These women's job description is to make you think they are null setters, whether they are or aren't. This means potential PNS Ashlynn Brooke is disqualified. Also means Mercedez from the Royal Palace is, too. Sorry, Pauly Walnuts.
5. The following day, all in attendance must continue to agree that said PNS is actually a NS. This allows for some time for everyone to digest the issue and make sure she is truly worthy.
6. In order to come to this conclusion the following day, it is strongly suggested that you compare the PNS to any Chapel Hillers (919s) you may have encountered in your life or, should you be so lucky, any other Null Setters. Make sure that there is no one else better than her.
7. If you have met more than 1 Null Setter in a year, you need to seriously reconsider the rating for one of them.

If there is any doubt, a final decision will be reached by this man:

This issue is one that needs to be further developed, but I believe this is a good start. More to come at a more sober point.

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