Friday, August 28, 2009

Video Wake Up

In honor of the Bearded One's roommate.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Garbage Disposal Just Came


He likes cats, and i think boobs too.

This stings


I like college baseball.

Google is Funny


This might have to be a weekly feature.

Vick's Facebook

.

Click to enlarge.

Friday, August 21, 2009

wake up shake up

Video Gamers are fat, old, and depressed


WOW who saw this coming?

We'll Never Tell


CNN has an article today about a blogger, PittGirl, who outed herself and was subsequently fired from her job. We here at Bob's Porch want to let you know that we'll never tell you who we are, never!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Chillin, on the back roads?

Saw this video. Yeah



Reminds me if Duce-y and lil wayne did something together?

Video Wake Up??



Get excited for an excellent soccer season!

p.s ESPN showing two soccer matches a week, count it.

Baseball

The Royals suck

The Yankees are good


Braves, Os and Pirates somewhere in the middle.


Sounds like the same ole year in baseball to me.

Does This Guy?




look like someone who would rape a 22 year old girl on a private island, which only is accessible by private boat...

YEP!

and for those of you should aren't quite sure who the picture is of, that would be magician David Cooperfield.

The magician raped the 22-year-old victim, sexually assaulted her on two other occasions and threatened to kill her, court papers filed in Washington state claim.

"The woman says her nightmare unfolded two summers ago, when the 52-year-old performer invited her to his $50 million private retreat on Musha Cay after meeting her at a show in Washington state...After the two dined, they went to the magician's room to watch a movie..."

Diner- check
Movie- check
Raping a girl 31 years younger than me???? Eessh

Monday, August 17, 2009

Worst Golf Year Ever

This turned from the best golf year ever to the worst very quickly


This is who should of won all the majors.



















































































This is who actually won the majors.

>

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Mexico

Go Away.

FROM????

Florida State!

HOUSTON (AP) -- Free agent guard Von Wafer says he has signed a two-year deal with Olympiakos of Greece.

Wafer made nearly $800,000 last season with the Houston Rockets.

Wafer told KRIV-TV on Wednesday that the agreement allows him to opt out after the first year with the Greek team, but only to return to the NBA. He said Olympiakos gave him the best offer he had received all summer.

Terms were not released. Wafer's agent did not return a message left Wednesday by The Associated Press.

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/basketball/nba/08/12/wafer.ap/index.html#ixzz0O0Up8nHN


Make money money money!

Presented Without Comment

Monday, August 10, 2009

Spotted: Null Setter



So apparently this weekend, an anomaly was sighted at XS in Vegas. I'm talking of course, about a girl who falls into the previously discussed null set. The question is, how does one rate this girl on the supposedly infallible area code system? The answer is one that has required some deep thought and a refill on my ulcer medication (true story). On the one hand, I believe that since the area code system includes the binary scale, it cannot be bested. However, occasionally in a man's life, he comes across a woman so undeniably perfect in every regard that it seems insulting to relegate her to a simple scale. From my understanding, this happened this past weekend. Simply put, she broke the area code.



The solution? Give her an 818. I know it makes no sense, but just follow me. Turn that 818 to the side, each digit individually, like so:



The result is a girl whose body and personality is a rated at infinity and who breaks the binary scale. 818 is also the area code for the San Fernando Valley, so maybe that means something. Probably not, though. In order to preserve the integrity of the area code system, the following conditions must be met to make this girl a Null Setter:
1. Every single person in the group must agree that she is worthy.
2. Rating may not be used after midnight on any single drinking night.
3. Potential Null Setter (PNS) (... haha, I'm 12 years old) must be actually met and conversed with in person (so no Megan Fox ratings).
4. PNS may not work in the business of pleasure (so no porn stars, strippers, or hookers). These women's job description is to make you think they are null setters, whether they are or aren't. This means potential PNS Ashlynn Brooke is disqualified. Also means Mercedez from the Royal Palace is, too. Sorry, Pauly Walnuts.
5. The following day, all in attendance must continue to agree that said PNS is actually a NS. This allows for some time for everyone to digest the issue and make sure she is truly worthy.
6. In order to come to this conclusion the following day, it is strongly suggested that you compare the PNS to any Chapel Hillers (919s) you may have encountered in your life or, should you be so lucky, any other Null Setters. Make sure that there is no one else better than her.
7. If you have met more than 1 Null Setter in a year, you need to seriously reconsider the rating for one of them.

If there is any doubt, a final decision will be reached by this man:



This issue is one that needs to be further developed, but I believe this is a good start. More to come at a more sober point.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Guess Who Likes Screaming Baboons Too

Bob's Porch Private Eye

Finding out information about people has become so easy due to Spacebook, MyFace, and Twatter. And thanks to sites such as Wikipedia, you can find the necessary information you need to distinguish from a famous person to someone with the same name.

Example:
I always wondered what Bill Simmons was getting paid for his "work" (read: only podcasts and the occasional mailbag) at ESPN. Turns out, he's not doing too bad for himself, what with his books and famous friends. I decided to investigate a little further and wanted to find out where he lived and how nice his house is.

Step 1: Go to white pages online and type in William Simmons, Los Angeles.
One of the names on the list is a MR. William Simmons III whose household includes a wife Kari Simmons (Quick stop to Wikipedia reveals his wife's name)

Step 2: copy address to google maps...and voila...not too shabby those digs.





Step 3: How much is the market value of the house? Journey over to Zillow reveals that the home is worth $3.1 million. Built in 1925 and has 4,217 sq. ft.

He always mentions that his house is really old and that he converted the pool house to his office, so this appears to be pretty accurate. And now you can mock me on my lack of life.

Things that Walnut does not have

1. Cable

2. Internet

3. Hot Water

4. A working Dryer

5. Video game system that was made in the year 2000 or beyond


Things Walnut does have

1. Incredible Movies
For those who have not seen Maiden Voyage Ocean Hijack that movie is incredible. Not only did VfB only last 5 minutes, but when we watched while bro-ing out. We A. watched it in fast forward B. Narrated it ourselves. Watch this Movie!

2. Bro Bros
So come and drink Frat Light and relax on our
a. deck
b. screen in porch
c. living room
d. Man Room
there is plenty of space for everybody!

3. Well that is about it.

Ron Artest Is A Crazy Person

Give him a call.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

This Is Awesome

QT is GQ... or something



Check it- QT's hot new single. My take: pace is just a little too quick for him to handle and he stumbles over himself a bit, making some stupid mistakes, but generally better than expected.

And yes, I'm at work.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Paula Abdul OUT



For more info look for her updates on Twitter bc no one else cares enough to write about it.

She was kind of hot though back in the day.

Video Wake Up

Adam "MCA" Yauch of the Beastie Boys has cancer in his parotid gland in his neck and is undergoing surgery and radiation therapy. Some bands have been covering some Beastie Boys' songs to show their support.

Below is Coldplay's cover of "Fight for your Right"



Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Let me set the scene

Place: Walnut Street

People: Snorkel, View From Below, Trashely and Mary Kate

Time: 9:30-2:30

These events proceeded...

Snorkel put in "Old School" as noise in the background and since Walnut does not have cable he must have thought it was a good idea...

it was.

Post "Old School" the View From Below recommended that we watch "Out Cold" a movie that only Snorkel and himself had viewed in its entirety. The V from B must have thought it was a good idea...

it was.

Post "Out Cold" the V from B asked if anyone wanted to watch anything and gave us some options, yada yada, "Live Free or Die Hard" ends up in. Again only Snorkel and the V from B had seen the movie. The V from B must have thought it was a good idea...

it was. with one MAJOR exception, Trashely , but we will get back to that. (Just keep that in mind)

I am not sure how many of you readers have seen this epic flick, but as Mary Kate put in a reasonable manner said, "Yeah I liked it, it did it's job; entertain me."

As VfB and Snorkel completely agreed with Mary Kate, the dissenter Trashely, in only a Trashely drunken rant can; he not only confused himself, went in about 8 circles and but finshed by arguing with himself. here are some quotes and rebutals from the "arguement"

1.
Trash- "that movie sucked. it was so unbelievable"
VfB- "Do you like Shrek?"
Trash- "I love Shrek!"
VfB- "Oh yeah me too because a talking Ogar being best friends with a Donkey is so believable?!?!"
2.
Trash- "that movie was so unrealistic. What kind of movie has a person holding onto an F-15 in the middle of a highway? That was terrible."
MK- "Wait, do you like Aladdin?"
Trash- "Love it."
Trashely- "because a person holding on to a carpet in the middle of a lava storm, is unrealistic."
3.
Trashely- "27 dresses was so much better than that movie."

Complete Silence ensued....

Fishing


Anyonewanna go? Say this weekend or something.

I just got a new license and want to put it to work.

Options.

Kane Creek
Jordan Lake
University Lake
Atlantic Ocean
Maui?

Wakeup Video

Annnnnndddd It Looks Terrible

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell in HD

Three Sheets Has Been On Since July 20th?


Why has no one (pet peeve of mine is when people spell no one as noone. Are you trying to combine noon with none? Pissing me off) informed me of this? Every Monday at 10 pm on the Fine Living Network. Check out the interview on CNN.com.

I'm Thinking Knight's Play On Wednesday At 7?

Hoping that Bird and AJ Burnett are down.

Beer+Soccer Player=Fine


Leave it up to the British to start drinking beer during games. This cost Steven Thompson a few pounds in lost wages.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Monday Nascar is horrible

I think this sums up Jr's season






























Good thing I like Kasey Kahne and his dreamy eyes.
























Today's results:

Kasey Kahne's eyes: 5th
Jr: 28th

Oh, and Hamlin's grandmother died a couple of days so of course they let him win.

Oh, I'll Feed You Little Birds

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Fart Update

That almost looks like Favre update, but fortunately he's still dead, in my fantasies at least. The Internet is a powerful thing. Look how fast all these fart vids came up.

Green Man Appeareth

I don't know how this guy was let into the tournament. It certainly did not distract Tiger Woods from making the putt. Also, did anyone catch the fart on 18?





MTV Really Sucks

I mean it was apparent before, but I still get drawn in by the Challenges and the occasional Real World where "some bitch gets crunk." Plus 16 and Pregnant is hilarious. I can think of no better form of birth control. Well, apparently "Music" Television is a misnomer considering you will see music only from 3-9 in the morning. Now they're showing Scrubs, Degrassi, and movies on Fridays.

This brings me to my point. What the hell is Degrassi? Apparently it's some shitty show from Toronto. Did we really have to import this crap? Give me some reruns of Singled Out or the Tom Green Show. I think an MTV classic channel would really have some traction. Ben Stiller show, anyone, but I digest. Back to Degrassi. Did you know the number two single right now is by a guy named Drake? I hate that song and when I found out it was sung by a Degrassi actor I wanted to shoot said character in the back again. What, I mean, I have seen a few eps. Anyway, America, enjoy your new star:

Megan Fox did this guy.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Golf, Bird?

Video Wake Up

This is what I do whenever The Burgh has something to say