Thursday, July 2, 2009

NYC Prep

It's like Gossip Girl...with uglier people

If you havn't watched this show, then a. you're obviously a better person than me, b. certainly more successful, and c. raped a kitten once. What? Don't blame the messenger. It's your guilt. Anyway, this show is like The Hills, Gossip Girl, and Whale Wars wrapped up in one gigantic awesome turd-like ball. I wish I could recap the show as well as Richard Lawson at Gawker, but I'd rather let him do it. If you are really bored at work and want to read a tome featuring the lives of the nouveau riche, then go here and here.

Still not intrigued? Let me entice you with this paragraph:

The girl, who was having the party? Her name is Rags McTattershanty, and she lives under a bridge eating bugs and canned lima beans. Rags goes to a public school called Professor Shitbox's Idiot Academy for Nobodies, where all the trashcans are on fire and hobos teach you Hobo Arithmetic and in gym class you learn how to jump boxcars. Rags really hates it because she wants to be one of the rich kids just like the private schoolers are, plus her mom is a mean old goat (literally, a goat wearing a necklace and carrying a purse) that keeps trying to eat her BlackBerry. It just sucks so bad being her, and being so poor, and having all her best hats can-openered open and all her gloves getting their fingers cut off and sometimes when it's very late at night and one star shines brightly in the tarnished tin sky she fondles her bindle and dreams of Mexico.

Ok, one more:

While Kelli was stuck on a park bench, wallowing in the past, old Rags was skibbling down the sidewalk, her skeleton chorus following her in a grim-yet-cheerful dance macabre, dreaming of the future. The date was on! Since she'd never set foot inside a restaurant except to scuttle in and steal dinner rolls from the plates of negligent old dowagers before getting chased out by an angry chef wielding a rollingpin, she decided she needed new garments. She opened her leather coin purse and sifted through its contents. She had two mismatched buttons, a few kernels of corn, and a gold tooth she'd taken from Smokestack McGee after he'd fallen asleep in the storm drain one rainy night and never woken up. Perfect! It was just the right amount to go to a thrift store and buy some dress-like cloth. While perusing the store with her two hobo compatriots, Loretta Jingles and Barnacle Betty, Rags mused that lord Sebastian probably doesn't even know what a thrift store is. Why, he's probably never had whisker stew, either!

Wow, long post, eh?

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