Friday, July 31, 2009

So Sad To See The Burgh Like This

Anoopppppzzzzzzzzzz!

Is going to perform at the State Fair on Oct. 22. Kids' seats are still only $5!!!!! Actually, every seat is 5 bucks. Making money the hard way ain't easy.

State Fair Blog


Also 40,000 followers on twitter? Jeesus.

Welcome Back, Adam


I sure hope that stint with the Red Sox wiped the Bucco stench off of him. You, know whenever you can trade for a .250 hitter, you gotta do it. There is a reason this is an image that appears when you type in Adam LaRoche in google.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Racial Summit Beer List


Blah blah blah

Here is what they drank:


Obama -- Bud Lite
Biden -- Bucklers
Gates -- Sam Adams Light
Crowley -- Blue Moon

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Live Update

2-2 Top of the 6th


oh god what will ensue?



Probably a lot of Errors and a lot of this???


The Royals can think about winning two in a row, but that just wont happen.

Orioles...7-3 in 21 innings???? It could happen, but this is a lot more likely and actually my prediction 6-4 in 9.

Vintage Ads

I wish I had lived in the '50s sometimes: good movies and spousal abuse.
























http://www.retrocomedy.com/2009/07/15-creepiest-vintage-ads-of-all-time.html

Monday, July 27, 2009

He Was a Retard.

I have two testicles. Thanks. Here is my favorite quote from The Hangover.

Blank

Pauly Walnut only has one testicle

No just kidding.

But now that I have your attention.

Here is a video dedicated to our new humble abode, "Here is to Walnut Street."

To Recap

The United States got their asses kicked yesterday. Three things about it.

1. Not quite sure if that PK should have been called. A lot of acting and good defensive positioning...
2. Not to fear we did not have our first string players in
3. We are still better than Mexico

The BIG GAME!!!!

Get your popcorn ladies and gentlemen the Big Game is on Tonight!

Get yourself a six pack of beer because you are about to be in for 3 hrs of Great television!

And grab yourself a foam finger because the Kansas City Royals take on the Baltimore Orioles Tonight!

Preview:
The Royals: have lost 13 of 15. They've also lost three in a row on the road, where they are 15-27. They start Bruce Chen who is 0-5 with a 6.58 ERA and are currently last in the AL Central.

The Orioles: have dropped 7 of 9 and just snapped a 5 game losing streak. They stand in last place in the AL East, while sending a pitcher with an ERA of 7.65 to the mound.

Best part about this game...probably these flat bills

Prediction: 7-4 Royals

Obama's Drink of Choice.



Yep that is right in his much anticipated "Beer Summit" Mr. President will be drinking a foreign owned beer. Great. Not even our president will pump money into this shit hole that he calls an economy.
In other news there were anti-obama protests this past week...yep bet you didnt hear about those...and where were they? In Chicago. Here is my favorite poster. It goes out to all those who now regret their decision...


then there was this one...yeah a little over the top, but thought it was worth sharing. (Note the bottom Poster)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Orphan Spoiler Alert

Would you turn down an HJ if you knew she was 33?

Hey, you know that shitty movie that you're probably not going to watch? Well it turns out that there is a huge twist that puts the Lost game changer to shame. Shocking, I know. Esther, the orphan, apparently is a 33 year old hooker from the Ukraine or some bumfuck eastern bloc party country. Some other tidbits gleaned from Wikipedia:

- Esther likes watching Peter Saaarrrssgaaard and his wife have sex, then mentions to the mom that she enjoys them "fucking." At this point the audience still thinks she's nine years old. Won't someone please think of the children?!!

- Burns the tree house down that the brother is hiding in.

- Tries to seduce Peter Saaaarrrsgaaard and when that goes awry, stabs him in the heart.

- She dies because the other kid shots her or something.

This Would Be Fun

Saturday, July 25, 2009

weekend wake up bake up?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Its offical

The Royals Suck.

Zack Greinke tried to toss his team a life raft in the form of another dominating performance. But not even Greinke could keep the Royals afloat.

The ever-stingy Greinke held the Rangers to one run on three hits in seven innings and lowered his Major League-leading ERA to 2.04. He also racked up 10 strikeouts -- the fourth time he's reached that figure this season.

any normal team would have won the game after their stater puts up those kinds of numbers, but the Royals? Just lost their 10th straight game. Great time to be a Royals fan!! NOT

Think he can afford it?

Beckham fined by MLS for conduct toward fan

From ESPN:
David Beckham was fined $1,000 by Major League Soccer, which said his gestures toward taunting fans suggested that they leave their seats and come on the field. The fine by MLS commissioner Don Garber on Friday came five days after the English star confronted Los Angeles Galaxy fans in a group called the L.A. Riot Squad. The Galaxy and AC Milan played to a 2-2 tie in an exhibition game. Beckham played with AC Milan this year and was booed through much of the game...


That is right....did you catch that?


1,000 dollars. What a Joke.

How much is this man worth? Well according to wikianswers...between 250-255 million dollars.


Nuff Said.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

1 down. 3 to go.





Garbage is officially done with one quarter of his life and his CPA exam!!!

I hate the White Sox with a passion!

But that was impressive.

BREAKING NEWS: Vengeful Baseball Attacks Jeff Francoeur

Thank God for those stellar fundamentals which allowed Francoeur to protect his money maker from this heat seeking projectile.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Things to do while at Lowes

1. Visit the Rug section

There are a variety of fashionable rugs that people can choose from. There are floral patterns and neat ones with football team logos, like this one.

2. Make your own...

a. Beer Pong Table
i. the table is on the end cap of aisle 3
b. Beer Bong
i. the piping is on aisle 17
ii. the funnel is on aisle 34
iii. the glue is on aisle 12
c. Corn Hole
i. the wood is on aisle 24 (last aisle in the store)
ii. the bolts and screws are on aisle 15
iii. paint! is on aisle 10!
d. Lawn Golf
i. piping is on aisle 17
ii. pipe connectors aisle 17
iii. rope aisle 16
iv. golf balls...your golf bag

3. Visit Paint

You will see the one and only Snorkelfish

CPA celebration

This video represents the Garbage and the last "x" number of weeks he has been MIA.

The Ball: represents the drinking that I wanted to do with him

Cristiano Ronaldo: represents the Garbage Disposal

The opposing player: represents the CPA exam

Enjoy


Daughtry has a big....

For the past three weeks in a row, Michael Jackson's "Number Ones" has been the biggest-selling album in the country. Which artist put an end to Jackson's posthumous flummoxing of the Billboard rules, you ask? The answer is Chris Daughtry, whose "Leave This Town" bows atop the chart with a very nice 269,000 copies sold, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

Phallic Joke


So it appears that little Carolina is trying to gain some recruiting advantages by sprucing up their facilities. Well, according to this article there will be an awesome addition in the football center. Take it away, goupstate.com.

Coming this fall: A cast-bronze sculpture of a fighting gamecock that will stand guard in the middle of the lobby. Architects envision a tradition where players rub the sculpture before games or practices.


That's right. I believe Spurrier is in a living room right now telling a fine recruit, "Come to South Carolina and you'll be rubbing a hard cock in no time." Lane Kiffin eat your heart out.

That joke crossed the line. I was looking for patio furniture and and get penis jokes instead. I should report this.

Bman knows what I'm talking about. High five!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Soccer!!!

More people need to see this. It is old and I first saw it on Sports Nation. Do not watch that show. Colin Cowherd is a dweeb.

Haiku:
Loudmouth host Cowherd
Eyes full of hot needles good
Blocks out Sports Nation

Shocking Breaking News: XXX Megan Fox Nude XXX

Pauly had a pretty good idea. Here is hottie Megan Fox undressing on the set of her new movie. Now we wait for the hits.


(Man, next time I am practicing my back stroke I shouldn't be skinny dipping or have a boner)

To reiterate the plan:
Step 1: Post videos and pictures to bring up hits.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Sipping mimosas with Miranda Kerr on a yacht in St. Tropez.

As an aside, I was trying to come up with a hot female celebrity and I first thought of Jessica Alba and then I wondered how far her career had fallen and how she's not really that hot anymore and then I ate a banana to get some potassium...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Erin Andrews ...

... is an idiot. Instead of denying that the grainy peephole videos were her, ESPN sent a cease and desist order to a bunch of sites and she had her lawyers issue a statement.
“While alone in the privacy of her hotel room, Erin Andrews was surreptitiously videotaped without her knowledge or consent. She was the victim of a crime and is taking action to protect herself and help ensure that others are not similarly violated in the future."
Girls are stupid... although it was pretty sweet watching ESPY coverage and knowing that I had (sort of) seen that bod. What was Tim Tebow (allegedly) thinking? Good for Bobby Frasor though.


New blog idea: film fuzzy videos of naked girls who look kind of like celebrities and post them to drive traffic to the site. Anybody?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wake up. Holler

Something Garbage would be into?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Who saw this coming?

You have to be from East Chapel Hill to understand the irony/humor/awesomeness of this video... He's no Tiesto, nor very good at all really, but you can't kill the guy from trying. I guess he put down the tennis racket and picked up the hot beats.

Oh No!

Somebody got their wiener stuck in a tight place hiyooo!



An idiot woman driver was lost in Wisconsin in the Wienermobile and tried to do a three point turn in a random driveway. Instead of gassing it in reverse, she forgot to switch gears and wham, into a house... Readers across the country were surprised until they realized that she was a woman... now it makes sense.

(Joke?)

I've always wanted to learn how to do this

Dat's whassup

New Trend





I was driving home from work at 2 am last night decided to stop for Wendy's in Carrboro first for a quick late-night snack. Immediately upon entering the "alternate lifestyled" village, I was bombarded with what looks to be a new trend...

Neo Hippies are riding their bikes home from the bar to escape potential DUI's.

There were swarms of them, most flocking together, pants rolled to mid-shin in a typical fashion. Sometimes the random dreadlocked dude would swerve alone into oncoming traffic, his reaction time eventually telling him to move back, narrowly missing my grill. The groups seemed to be enjoying themselves, no doubt reveling in the potions of such establishments as the Open Eye Cafe or the Speakeasy... staples of the neo-hippie Carrboro lifestyle.

I would try that out, but I forgot that I don't own a bike, and that would ruin my favorite drinking game: driving, yayy!

Wake up Shake up

My new favorite actress.

cute.

funny.

did you see her bombs in the new Harry Potter?

The Area Code System

I've got a new rating system to introduce. Its called the area code system and it goes like this:


So for example, a girl with a smoking body but a mediocre face (my mediocre face my mediocre face) would be a 418 area code. Or a 408 if you're some sort of rock star. The pros of the area code system are that you can have a conversation about a girl without her even knowing. Like these 2 blokes:



Also, it provides the descriptive qualities lacking in the binary system and even improves on those in the 10 point scale. Most importantly, it still includes a binary rating which, in the end, is all that matters.

However, I worry that this system will create paradoxes such as a 212 number. Or a 909. If she has AIDS. Thinking about this will be my task for today. It's good to be back.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Gross, Rick Reilly

In the span of only a few paragraphs you were able to:

1. Piss me off that you are in one of the coolest European cities
2. Make me want to get drunk off of sangria
3. Flaunt your wealth
4. Create a wonderful mental image.

Sportswriter of the year...my ass

There are three remarkable things about Barcelona -- the art, the food and the overwhelming sense you get about every two blocks that a cesspool has just exploded.

I couldn't figure out how -- in a city as lovely as this -- that could be possible. But then one night, the wife and I were sitting on the balcony of the third-floor apartment we'd rented, just drinking sangria and catching up on our thumb twiddling, when we saw why. In the space of one hour, four different women came by, checked to see if anybody was looking, dropped their pants, squatted and peed between the parked cars below us.

Far worse, two of them had recently eaten asparagus.

June 18th, 2010

So this post was going to be about a terrible new movie "shorts" but I could not find a link that I could embed. So I give you a clip to Toy Story 3. I had no I idea...did you?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My Foray Into Stand Up Comedy


My wife dragged me to a WNBA game recently. Don't ask me why. She either played basketball in high school or was really into Tori Amos, I don't remember which. Anyway, the game was dull as shit, but the people around us were really into it. Were these people on drugs? Who gets this excited over missed layups? It wasn't until the third quarter that I realized we were sitting in the players' wives section.

crickets crickets

Have you seen the new WNBA ad campaign on ESPN? It's kind of misleading. They show all of these highlights and add phrases like "expect skill" and "expect excitement." More like "expect no dunks" or "expect 54-32 final scores," or better yet, "accept shitty basketball."

crickets crickets

I mean one of their best players just had a baby. I'm talking of course about Candace Parker. This is an abomination and could never happen in male sports, Manny Ramirez notwithstanding. Ohhhhh he went there. It's hilarious!!! Showtime at the Apollo.

Look who I Found on IMDB


Overview

STARmeter: ?
Bob Porch

Up 64%
in popularity this week. See rank & trends on IMDbPro.
IMDb Resume:
Do you represent Bob Porch? Add a resume and photos to this page with IMDb Resume.

Filmography



Miscellaneous Crew:
Sacred Hearts (1995) (production assistant)

This Weekend

My prediction for the Open.

K, k. I know there is already one day in the books, and no one would have thought Tommy "Bahama" Watson would be leading.

But I am going to go outside the box with my prediction and choose, Tiger "nope" Woods (he will finish tied 5th or 6th, a couple strokes back)

Boo "nope, not you either" Weekley, who I love and predicted to win the masters. ha look how that turned out. (+5 and missed the cut)

Ernie"nope, I want an American to win" Els.

So with that said I have choose you!

Yes, that would be David "M-fing" Toms. I dunno why but I guess I have one of those feelings

p.s if John Daly wins or is in contention on the Final Day
I will be doing this at the CHCC


Beeb-Hey O!


NINA DOBREV
She was born in 1989 in Canada.

She is one of the stars on Degrassi the Next Generation, whatever the hell that is

She loves dance, gymnastics and acting. Oh and she has a cute wikipedia pic

No Work

So no work today. I was called at 9:52. I was scheduled to work at 10:00. So I have been laying on the couch not doing anything, except watching Sportscenter. Ty Lawson was on there. he had 7 pts and 4 dimes for the nug-nugs last night. Oh and there was a sick block, against him. In honor of him I am posting what I believe is one of his best moments in Carolina history (note the opponent)

morning wake up

Here is to not being locked up...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

We are locked?

NOT!

FIRE!

Yep 1984 MJs hair caught fire, yep fire. Enjoy and watch carefully.

Jersey.

Okay I know this was on Barstool today and its also pretty old, but seriously this video is too good not to repost. These are real people, seriously.

"My favorite part? Either the girls or the fights."

848 mile golf course?

This one is for you Bird.

The world’s longest golf course, stretching along 848 miles of desert highway with holes at 18 towns and service stations, is to open in Australia this year. The course, conceived five years ago “over a couple of beers,” is meant to attract tourists to the Eyre Highway which traverses the desolate Nullarbor Plain. Each hole will showcase a local attraction, from whale-watching to ancient fossil beds and a working sheep station, and include sights such as the Big Kangaroo statue at Border Village straddling South and Western Australia.



Best Part about this course..."The par-71 course will take three or four days to complete."

Spring Break 2010????

Wake up video

They are re-making this movie with Jackie Chan as the old man and Will Smith's kid as the young white dude. Should be pretty interesting.

All Star game

is pretty f-ing stupid


because?

Z.G. did not start.

+

pitched an inning (just one?)

=

2 Ks and a 0.00 era

do i need to continue?

View from Below+Awesome= Vpblowesome

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Please click the link...its hilarious

This one

you know how I know you're gay? you clicked the link and liked it.

Is it wierd?

that Rihanna is doing a make up commercial??? Seriously as much as Chris Brown beat her its very odd that she is doing a commercial that covers up domestic abuse.

Best EVERRRRR

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

For The View From Below

You should work for this site, NakedMovie.com ... they have come up with spoof movie classics like "Nutbusters," "Star Trix," and "Pop Gun." Do yourself a favor and go to this site and watch all the previews.

Breaking News

Hannah Storm is wearing/wore a see through shirt on Sportscenter this morning. Hopefully everyone DVRed it. I have no image or video, but I'll be the first to say it, Dope!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Hope for a Rainy Monday

If you are ever in a foul mood, you realize you are jobless, get a ticket for fishing without a license, get dumped, called a deadbeat, whatever, take a look at this video and be happy that you are not one of these dudes...



Thank goodness for awesome MTV daily TV.

Awwwwwkwaaarrd

I was listening to Jim Rome today (first mistake) and he was rifling through an incoherent array of texts and emails that he found amusing. The topics ranged from rape to Matt Stafford's hair, you know, the usual. One text message that got a person banned came from Emelio Textevez:

"Hey Romey, you thought your wife was tight with the purse strings. Signed Arturo Gatti"

Waaaarrrrrm.

Snubbed

Harry Masters was snubbed today. He lost out to Halladay for the starting pitcher job at the all star game. Sad.

even though...

Greinke has more strikeouts, has allowed fewer home runs and is about even in walks. That pretty much encompasses everything a pitcher has control of. Yet even when you look at ERA, Greinke (2.12) has a huge edge over Halladay (2.85) despite the effect of the defenses behind them. And that effect is significant. According to Baseball Info Solutions, the Blue Jays have featured the league's best defense so far this season, while the Royals are tied for the second-worst.

Dumb.

3 Things I am Excited about

1. The 20th of July. Also known as the day I get to hold a conversation with the Garbage Disposal for more than 8 seconds. He has been seen less than him or him. Come back soon and drink with me. We can catch about how bad our baseball teams.

2. Harry Potter. Last week I had a mini-Potter Marathon were I watched the first three in a row. Then this weekend it has been all about Harry Potter on abc family. I will be the first to admit I am not a huge fan of the books, but Emma Watson is hot and being a freaking wizard would be awesome. Cause I could be like my hero Kazaam (even though he was a genie).


HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE: Movie Trailer - The funniest home videos are here

3. Home Run Derby? Since televsion now-a-days consists of news about Brett Farve, a new Supreme Court Justice or a Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon it doesn't leave much of a choice. So here is to the home town favorite losing to Adrian Gonzo

Afternoon Video, wtf

Another What the Fuck movie is coming out. This one is called Sorority Row. Staring the Hills/Laguna Beach Star Audrina Patridge, NSFW, here! Something about Girls Gone Wild in the first 1/3 of the trailer, following by a 1/3 of what some people would call the 'plot' and finishes up with an eerily familiar feel of Scream.



SORORITY ROW: Movie Trailer - The funniest bloopers are right here

New Game

As many of you master the games of old...

Bubble Spinner

Chain Factor

Cube Field

I give you the next big thing in internet gaming...the world's hardest game. I am sure some of you have tried/already played this game, but it is definitely worth placing on the blog. Enjoy, oh also wanted to let you know that this girl is an internet gamer

A little something to wake up to

She is Pretty and probably works very very very hard. I mean I do not think anyone can just sit there and smile, like she can. Tits, I mean it's, probably impossible to roll around in the sand and play with one's tots. As the Burgh mentioned in a previous post...she is also playing with Aaron Rodgers' disco stick.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Half Way There

Pony Keg Celebration

This Will Be Haunting My Nightmares

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Jim Carrey Will Be a Grandfather

That's odd.



Pretty Cute for Jim Carrey's daughter

She is in a band:


Some REason thought everyone should know.

Best Worst Movie Ever

I'm concerned about this movie. Demon? Hot? Fox? Cheerleader? No idea.

Altidore to join Greek champion Olympiakos

US has got some soccer game and I like it. After the Oguchi Onyewu signing, young Jozy has inked a tight deal as well.


p.s I decided last night that I seriously
the miss football season


Friday, July 10, 2009

Minor Leauge Baseball?

I mean I know the Pirates aren't good but this is just uncalled for:

Hell Froze Over

To Clarify:


To continue to clarify I pass the torch to 'Mr. Met' who has recently come out since the acquisition of Mr. Jeff Francoeur...

"Mr. Met emphatically denied the charge, saying that he's been involved in a long-term monogamous relationship with Pittsburgh's mascot, Pete the Pirate, since 1992. "Even after all these years, every time I see that little butt pirate waving his long sword, I just want to skip around the bases," said Met. "

Fuck Me

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Mets?!! My least favorite team? Fuck shit piss!!!!!!! Lovely hat!!!!! (Birdman gets that joke. I'm officially done. Bret Favre out.

10 days

till the exam is over.


wake up!

friday morning. Watch the video. use the advise.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Surprised the Burgh Didn't Post This

John Mayer + MJ = being played every night at the man palace in Arlington.

1st ever!

Bob's Porch Movie Review

So I hit up the local Redbox tonight, which I decided is tied first for the best invention ever with the Stripper Pole and Hot Pockets (which I never eat, but are seriously delicious). The movie of choice for the evening's festivities was The International. But since this is the first ever movie review I feel as I need to let you in on something...I have very strong opinions when it comes to movies. I'll give you a "love it" or "like it" or "hate it" on three random movies, so you can get the feel for my movie tastes. Tropic Thunder "Love it." (Robert and Tom made the movie) Space Cowboys "Hate it" (too many holes) and "My Best Friend's Girl" "Like it" (not all the Burgh makes it out to be, but serioulsy just Pop that PussY)

The International

Good that one of us has seen it, so that the rest of us know not the waste the money. Normally I would go more in depth about the plot, actors, setting, etc, but honestly not worth it. I would not recommend renting this movie. I give it a weak 2.6 stars out of 10.


Clive Owen was way better in Inside Man (who knew they were making a sequel) and the Bourne Identity


Southern Rail

I am making a push to make this the new, bubs/bobs? Thoughts/Concerns can be addressed on the comment section of this post. I went there on Monday (1 dollar off all drinks) and thought about going again on Tuesday (1 dollar PBRs). The crowd a lot different, the setting (considering they have couches in the bar) is different, more mellow, I liked it. The music- think Death Cab, John Mayer with a dash of the Postal Service. Pretty Solid. The people-Carrboro-rid-idans, hahaha, no not like that at all, surprising un-hippie. Lastly it is a solid place to have a drink or two thats really all I got. The kitchen was closed when I tried to get food, but I assume its good (I hear it over-priced...View and PFi) Again, thoughts?


11 Days.

And counting until the Godfather himself, the Garbage Disposal will be back in commission. He has hidden in the Birdcave, the Austrian hut and other various places unable to be summoned. So without him no one will deny a little slower action on the blogski, but its just been one of those weeks. So here is the Vlad, the other white vodka and the good times that will be occurring tomorrow night. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thursday morning/night and here is a picture of something.


Honestly no idea what the hell is
going on in this picture...enjoy your Thursday

Night/Morning Wake Up/Bed Time

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Deuce of the Day

Feel free to contribute, Bark Knight too.
http://twitter.com/deuceoftheday

Birdman!!!

No, No not him BUT...



5 year extension. Nice

Best Idea Ever

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Milan sign Onyewu


Mad Props.


No sound

hope this is good.


Jamario Moon...great story *look it up if you don't know his struggle* (enjoy)

no idea what this video says...

N Sync

Okok I am not really into all that early ninety's song...wink wink...but there is one song I am very fond of it is called TFLN.


Seriously.


Hilarious. *pfine is the dude in the blue shorts in the first scene, love ya!*

Monday, July 6, 2009

Beeb.

STEP UP! Yep this hottie was in that movie. I don't really know. All I know is I was looking up Jenna Fischer (Pam from the Office) and I came across her, Jenna Dewan.

Went to USC (obvious?)

She was a dancer, for Justin Timberlake, 'N Sync, P Diddy, Pink Missy Elliottand Ricky Martin


She is officially a Beeb.