Sunday, May 31, 2009

Here's A Video For You Fucks

Watch it. Or not. Whatever. Fuckers.

Let's Get Current!

How about some *semi* current events humor for you?

Lock it Up


Federer Express will roll to his first French Open. All because Nadal didn't heed Roddick's advice.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Pens-Wings

This quote is a perfect example of why we love Bucci:

The Penguins have no one in their lineup like Marian Hossa and Johan Franzen. They are beasts and cause major matchup problems for Pittsburgh's defense. If you are too slow or too small, these Cyborgs will eat your brain for lunch while singing a Five Finger Death Punch medley. Brooks Orpik needs to step up and have a big series. He's been kind of quiet this postseason. The Wings are very good around the offensive net; the Penguins are not. This could define and decide the series.

Friday, May 29, 2009

This Looks Good



I couldn't be more excited if The Hangover turned into a 3-D Pixar movie taking place in Rome during a time loop in Star Trek.

This One's For The Burgh

R.I.P. He will be missed.

Mortal Lock of the Day


114 Straight Wins for the Orioles starting tonight for a end of season record. Why, you ask? Switch-hitting Jesus begins his hall of fame career today.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Cleveland Sucks.

Cleveland ... better than Detroit. And yes, I realize this was on Barstool, but I toootally saw it first and I'm just trying to help spread the word.

When is the Garbage Disposal Coming Back?

So this happened the other night. Why would Jose Canseco consent to fight a giant China man? Not really that crazy or funny, but it is pretty interesting to see this odd match-up.



... sort of like this, poor taste?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Video Goodnight?

The blog is on a small hiatus until the Garbage Disposal returns tomorrow, but until then, check this exciting Disney throwback out. Props to our west coast friend for the tip.


We all know it. I just wanted to document it.

Hannah Storm is hot.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Marty is a Bitch

GO CANESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


Video "Wake Up"

Since Garbage does not have the gonads to post from Vegas here you go:




CHARLIE!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Dinner.

So I just decided to let everyone know what I am having for dinner:

I will start out with a little of this...
Then I will munch on a little of this...

Then I will top it off with this...

As I mentioned

Shit.

Carolina lost.

Ladies And Gentlemen...

Your American Idol!! Man, I can't wait until his first CD goes myrrh.

Video Wake Up

Yeah, this is probably not gonna happen again.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I Was Excited Too

Remember when this happened?



At least I wasn't on the air when I shouted.

Video Wake Up

Wait, what? Vegas? Have you heard about this?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Is That The Burgh?

John Mayer is just that great. More like this here

Hilarious

Must Win

Or else more videos like this...



canes 2-1 (Cam Ward 43 saves)

How Dare You!


Is this how you treat baseball royalty?

Video Wake Up

Sooooooooo Fratty

I'm sad to say that i had to steal this video from barstool, but this made me laugh out loud in my room alone at midnight on Friday. My life rocks.



The funniest part may be doucher bostonians arguing over whether this video is funny or not.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Damn You, Bark Knight

I know this is how you see the world. Well, you know what? At least when I get shit on my face I clean it off. Boom! Faced! Scratchmoded! (Anyone get that movie reference? Bueller? Bueller?)



Also, nice to see Zach Braff getting some voice over work now that Scrubs is over. I too am reminded of big turds when thinking of his acting/directorial chops.

Here is my plan for the Bark Knight when I get home today:



Ah, to live in a place where rules don't apply. Like Zimbabwe or Utah.

More Kittens?

I See The Monkey, Drink!


Good news for drinkers and bon vivants in general, Three Sheets is back! After MOJO went off the air last year, so did this fine show. Well, all that is about to change as Zane Lamprey will be airing his new shenanigans on the Fine Living Network. Who knew that getting housed was considered "high living." That makes my life seem much more sophisticated. In case you were wondering the first episode will air May 29th on channel 151 (Chapel Hill area) at 11 pm. Thus beginning a new cycle of conversations revolving around your shitty career and his awesome job. Cheers!

Video Wake Up

Kind of bad ass.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Pittsburgh Penguins are gay?


Spotted: Penguins fans showing the team's true colors. I know we lost by 3 goals, but we won in dignity.

60,000,000,000,000

ok maybe I exaggerated by about 6 Zeros or maybe 9, but two words of advice

1. Mondays=The new Fridays
2. Tuesdays= The new Thursdays/Saturdays/Tuesday
2.a The View From Below Holler

Keg/Grill=Orgasmic

K so they don't sell this at Lowes yet, but ill pull some strings and see what I can do...

Havent posted in a while

When I realiZed I haven't posted in a while I fell as though I needed to fill people in...

Yep that would be me ... helping Clay (in 5 years) and future girlfriend


oh and this happened as well today (notice the location)



Seriously people, HAMS?!@%@#%@? oh all the places in the world please do not ruin my 1$ beer with your horrific vocals. Your time would be better spent going home and serenading yourself in the mirror

Bark Knight Look Alike

Sometimes when his ears get weird, it reminds me of this picture.

Don't Click It Or Ticket

A new Facebook virus is out, and so far, according to my inbox, it has only affected girls. So naive. If you get a message that says "check out areps.at" or "kirgo.at" don't click on it. It's a phishing scheme that will steal all of your information. Pauly Walnuts would be so proud.

Spotted


Eric Staal at Bob's. He creepily came up behind me and caressed my arms as he walked by. He has very soft hands. Too bad they don't enable him to score on wide open nets.

What A Crisp License Plate


The Snorkelfish should get this for Florida. Canes 2 Penguins 1

I'm Surprised The Burgh Didn't Talk About This

Here is Dwight Howard channeling his inner Shaq.



Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Taste It


Oh shit son. That. Just. Happened. Suck it Barstool Sports.

Can I get some props on this man crush? I called that shit.

Bob's Beebs Of Day

You know it had to take an act of God or Anoop dating Megan Joy for there to be a Bob's Beebs again. I still can't believe Anoop is hitting this. She has a kid. And a sleeve tat. But she's hot, kudos.



Fun Vegas Fact Of The Day

The Strip is actually located in the city of Paradise, NV. Hmmm, you learn something every day.

Pack your skivvies because it's going to be a scorcher. Topless babes perhaps? Beebs to come.



Weather Forecast:

Mon: 93
Tue: 94
Wed: 95

What's That You Say?

Vegas, baby! Vegas!

Video Wake Up

I am soooo going to watch Soul Plane 2: Hydraulics Iz Crazy in theaters.

Vegas Baby!



BobsPorch.com is going to Vegas. One thought:



Just kidding...maybe...

PS.
thanks dad in advance for bank rolling this one...thank god for grad school

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Love The Man Show



Best show ever...and Joe Rogan fucked it up. Fuck him.

The Last N***er on Earth

Chappelle's Show
Mooney on Movies
comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story


Black people are silly, but i do love Tom Hanks

Proof That Scott MacIntyre Isn't Blind

Is he holding a phone or an IPod? Does it matter? I'm pretty sure they don't come in braille form. That's a deal breaker, ladies.



Also, if you're coming over tonight make sure to bring a poncho. You don't want The Burgh's slobber all over you. See men tonight! Ha!

Video Wake Up

Monday, May 18, 2009

Least Surprising Million-to-1 Shot Ever



You really are shocked it happened to you? Really? Of all the women in the world, it had to happen to you? You mean you, the poor ass woman who fucks 2 different guys within 1 day without BC for either? Yea, what are the odds?

90 minutes...

Until Crosby takes the ice, but you know what rhythms with Crosby...Whining-Ass-Bitch-who-is-going-to-get-punched-in-the-face-by-Ruutu. Yep it rhymes don't question me. K so not a single so-called "experts" picked us to win the series, but you know what I have to say to them...We have Matt Cullen. So when we when in six, I will personally release the wrath of Cullen on Berry Melrose's fired ass. So here is to the Canes and my cheap Keystone Lite. Enjoy the Game.


Canes 4-3 (I hope)

Almost As Funny As Family Guy

Nothing beats Shovin' Buddies or Slowly Rotating Black Man.

James Harrison, Not So Smart

So, the reigning defensive player of the year is not going to join his team at the White House. He did the same thing when Dubya was president, so at least he's keeping it bi-partisan. Harrison doesn't think that it's a big deal to meet Obama. I think Keith Olberman's head just exploded. Here is an actual quote:

"If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl," he told Pittsburgh's WTAE-TV. "So as far as I'm concerned he would have invited Arizona if they had won."


Man, that's some crazy scheme where they invite the best team to the White House. I still think Harrison still hasn't gotten over losing his virginity.

What The Hell Is Going On Here?

Google image searches are fun.

What's the most embarrassing thing in this picture?



Give up? He still has the tag on.

Kansas City, Soooooo Fratty


Zach Greinke mania has officially engulfed Kansas City. Not only is the city (hold on while I Wikipedia this) home to Hallmark, but it claims to have the second most fountains in the world behind Rome. Neato. Also, one of its sister cities is Linz, Austria, which is about 20 miles from my parents home town. What does this have to do with being fratty? Everything. When you combine Hallmark employees who love fountains with copious amounts of beer you get a scene right out of Animal House.

Those who showed up -- about 25,000 -- waited out the storms by milling around the concourses and filling the new sports bar, creating a frat-party atmosphere before the first pitch.


Greinke vs. O's

I'm Brett Favre-ish

Not only do I look great in a beard, but I was mulling my retirement from Bob's Porch earlier this week. In true flip-flop form I decided to come back stronger than ever. There were just so many things to talk about. Now, get ready for my huge blog load and monkeys.

Speaking of Great Decisions

In the wake of an impending sale of Pimlico and the Preakness, a bad economy, and general decline of the horse racing industry, the 2nd leg of the Triple Crown held its first BYOB-less race on Saturday. It worked out pretty well:



Just as a point of comparison to previous years:







RIP Freakness.

Chris Cooley's Sperm Makes You Witty

Cooley attended the legendary DC101 Chili Cook-Off this weekend where Third Eye Blind was playing (Side note- he describes his fanhood of 3eb as: I was as excited as Sidney Crosby wearing his leather pants to a Clay Aiken concert. Mancrush confirmed). Anyways, his hot wife wore this shirt (look close):

Nikon is a Self-Hating Company



Or maybe this is an actual problem in Japan when determining whether you just took a good picture or not. Thank god Nikon is here!

7th Grade Slow Dance

Today's look-a-like


Potential Cy Young winner or Bermudian Beauty....You Decide




Video Wake Up

Seriously? This won Eurovision Song Contest? Psesh!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

So Apparently This Doesn't Go Over Well



That would be doing 4 of these simultaneously at Top O. Apparently sweeping the floor and washing the bar is not a normal activity there.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Beeball

O's- 16-21
Royals- 19-18
Yanks- 19-17
Braves- 18-17
Pirates- 14-21

Overall- 86-94 , eh we could do better (and here is the beeb I promised in the title)



Same Person?

Who knew that Adam Lambert was in a frat? Spotted in Chapel Hill by The Burgh and the elder Burgh. Rah rah Kris Allen




Video Wake Up

Friday, May 15, 2009

Stoph

fourth entry that came up on google...


Do I really need to make a comment?


Mike Fox Coaches His Players Well










UNC Alum and former stud Daniel Bard made his debut with the Red Sox the other day. How in tune is he with his game? Bard said of his debut, "To be honest, I thought there was just a guy on second until the third pitch I threw. Then I looked over and saw Torii Hunter on third." I wonder how the Omaha pressure compares to Fenway.

Let Me Lick Those Tears

SNL Is Back

Even the lame characters can be funny at times. Although, the video drags during the middle when all I wanted her to do was to read more hilarious comments. Stick around for the Patton Oswald cameo at the end.

Video Wake Up

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Snorkelfish Day

Some days are like Anoop days, but this one is better than the rest. Why? Because Snorkelfish had to endure the Indian Boatswain (I went to the rhyming dictionary and this is what they suggested, but I digest) on his birthday. So today, I give you the keys to this blog and an assortment of family pictures. The last one is from me.