Thursday, April 30, 2009

Time for an iPhone for Polo

What's particularly entertaining about this is that this is probably pretty close to the exact use of the iPhone at places the likes of Area, Marquee, and Bob's all over the world.

Welcome, Burgh

Now that you'll be living in the DC metro area, you get to follow athletes like this:



And great locker room dynamics like this:

My Man Crush On Robert Lunn Is Now Full Blown


This UConn player who moved to Austria to play "professional" football is my kind of guy. Not only is he hilarious, but he lives in Austria and keeps making awesome observations. Another gem this week:

The Austrian workout is simple. Before entering said FitMax make sure to light up that one last Marlboro Red (don't be caught up in the irony of this), proceed to locker room where upon entering, you will witness three things:

1) Circumcision: not big in Europe

2) Banana hammocks are a recession proof investment

3) Judging by that tribal tattoo-the early mid to late 90's were not kind to you.

After all this, it's time to get your swell on.

You will then time it so that every important business call you could make, must be made in between sets of bicep-curls, thus making it is utterly impossible for you to finish your work out. Run outside to your Fiat, Alfa-Romeo, Pugeot, or Volkswagon, light up another cigarette and be on your way.

There really is nothing like a good sweat.

I'm so excited and I can not hide it.

"set to air in early June"




+



=Reindeer eyeballs and drinking urine

I Hate Exams

I would love to do anything besides studying for partnership taxation. Even this:

Good For Fox

They showed "Lie to Me" instead of the Obama news conference. Or was it the news conference. Get it? Lie to me. Hilarious. Anyway, those viewers missed some pretty hard hitting questions.

Racists!

Oh those CNN money writers. They think they're so high and mighty with their words and their jobs. They look down on the automakers for having the audacity to make shitty cars and will call them out for it. Here is an excerpt from their section "Cars that wrecked Chrysler."

In hindsight, the Dodge Magnum, introduced at the same time, should have provided a warning of bad things to come. The thuggish wagon was a big hit at first and it was, in most respects, every bit as good as the 300C.


Now, thuggish, I'm sure, can mean a lot of things, right?

thug (thŭg)
n.

1. A cutthroat or ruffian; a hoodlum.
2. also Thug One of a band of professional assassins formerly active in northern India who worshiped Kali and offered their victims to her.


Oh...naggers. Naggers. Maybe CNN was talking about the Indians who love the Dodge Magnum.

First picture in Google under thuggish:

Sham Wow Records Presents...



Maybe that guy should be the "mentor" on American Idol next week

Seriously?



Some numb nut SI writer named Andy Staples unveiled his post spring, pre-season top 25. This guy clearly does not watch alot of ACC football. Here's are how the ACC fares (along with some others)

5. Va Tech (read: Clemson 2008)
14. Ga Tech
17. ECU (I know not ACC, but still stupid)
22. Fla St.
25. Notre Dame (again, not ACC, but WTF?)
Honorable mentions: Miami, Boston College, NC State (has got to be a joke).

According to this, UNC is at best the 7th best team in the ACC, and behind a team they beat last year (Notre Dame), and ECU who i wont even comment on after how they ended their season last year.

I know UNC had a great year last year, but there is a ton of talent coming back, and to pick us to finish 7th in the ACC is ridiculous. By the way, these rankings if they held true, would have us finish at best 5-7.

Video Wake Up

Joel McHale is Going to Cream his Pants

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Wait, what? ( . )( . )

Where did these come from?



Oh wait, I know.



She can really spin those things...quite tasteful

American Idol Nostalgia

As we immerse ourselves in Idol this week, we at Bob's Porch cannot help but feel a little sadness for our old friend, UNC Alum, and East Chapel Hill Alum: Anoop. His ride for most of you began so recently ago, but we here at Bob's Porch have known this set of vocal chords for much longer.


Funny how we all grow up, right Garbage Disposal?

Does anyone else's ball sweat while studying?

After 4 hours of studying intro to business tax (thrilling by the way) I noticed my balls consistently sweat while studying. Or is tax just that interesting?

Round 2. Nuff Said.

Now that I have everyone on the band wagon here is the updated schedule. And a little information on our opponent. The Bruins have not played a game since the 22nd. Their goalie is named Tim "don't I play in the NBA" Thomas (4-0 against canes this season). Bruins rhymes with ruins which brings me to my clip...



Here is the Schedule

Fri. May 1
-- Hurricanes at Bruins -- 7: 30 pm
Sun. May 3 -- Hurricanes at Bruins -- 7: 30 pm
Wed. May 6 -- Bruins at Hurricanes -- 7: 30 pm
Fri. May 8 -- Bruins at Hurricanes -- 7:30 pm
*Sun. May 10 -- Hurricanes at Bruins -- 7:30 pm
*Tue. May 12 -- Bruins at Hurricanes -- 7 pm
*Thurs. May 14 -- Hurricanes at Bruins -- TBD

Old People On Inside Carolina Watch South Park

I always wondered what these people did in their spare time besides whacking off to their stupid inside jokes. IN!


Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips

This made me chuckle. I can't figure out if it is because he doesn't say a word, or if it is his smirk at the beginning. Either way, for your viewing pleasure:



Stereotypes Exist For a Reason

Ever wonder what happens when Popeyes runs out of fried chicken in a predominantly black neighborhood? Well you've come to the right place.





Anyone who sees the chicken say YAY-AHHH!

Video Wake Up

Good Ol' Recession

Apparently Blockbuster is cutting back its hours a bit:


This is terrible. How am I supposed to impulsively rent Bedtime Stories in case for some reason I don't know anyone who owns it, its not at a Redbox, not on any of my 200 movie channels, not on any free or pay on-demand options my digital cable service provides, or I can't find it on the internet? Why would you do this to me, Blockbuster? You're so damn relevant and vital to my 21st century lifestyle.

I'm So Worldly

This is a video of a bunch of homeless people around the world singing "Stand by Me" so some street musician named Roger Ridley can get on our blog and get laid by a bunch of birkenstock wearing hippie chicks. Personally, I can't decide whether its heart-warming or funny.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Getting on the Bandwagon

This is the sign when I become a fan. C'mon AJ Burnett, they're only $17.99

Go Canes and fuck New Jersey

More Cowbell!

Canes win! Canes win! Father fellatio abounds! I didn't grow up with a dad and therefore celebrate in a more conventional way:

Here's to you 8am final

In honor of finals season...



My personal favorite:

It's Cool to Watch Hockey

Caps won tonight, yay.

Pretty sure this performance from game 6 is the same reaction from NC State fans every time we (the retard colony) go to hockey games.

Hacked!

I don't know how this could have happened. It must be those guys at 4chan. Get these unicorns out of here!



If you would like a psychedelic experience on your Bob's Porch just punch the following (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, enter, enter, enter, enter, etc.)

No, I'm not getting delirious studying Federal Tax Research. Why do you ask?

Goal Of The Year

Who Stole The Headlines?

I'm pretty sure ESPN is just goading people into getting their sports news from other websites. I mean that's the only rational explanation for removing the headlines from their standard spot. I don't have time to scroll down below the fold. Off to SI.com I go. Good day, sir. I said good day!

Study Guide or Sports

Blah Blah Blah Liverpool is out so who really cares if Henry, Messi and company can beat Drogba and the Chel"who the fuck cares"seas that is why this post is after the game started.... (0-0)

Then there is the guy from Happy Gilmore on skates at 7 (caps win 3-2)

Oh then the CANES play at 7:30. (2-1 victory)

It's Exam Week

Not much going on...

Unless you are a GDI.





Monday, April 27, 2009

Where da Beebs at?

Oh I used some of my Crime Scence Investigative skills and I found da Beeb
Eva La Rue. Holla

Darwin Was Right

Imagine a time when I will be able to masturbate with six hands. That's a world I hope to live in some day. And yes, this video is one of the creepiest things I have ever seen.

Movie Review

Bedtime Stories- A+, 7 Thumbs Up.

And the video I hope will be played at my funeral.



Side note: Does Luis Scola look like Russell Brand?


All Videos All The Time

What part of this chick makes her "super hot?" Is it the cape?

Just A Bit Warm

Those Crazy Canes Fans

No wonder our roommate always goes to the games. It's pretty sweet to get a beej from your dad on national TV.

Video Wake Up

Sunday, April 26, 2009

This is Why the Draft Needs So Much Coverage

Awesome Sports News That Only I Care About

Good weekend. First, Skins drafted the guy who did this:

Most importantly, they also didn't find a way to trade Campbell, Portis, and Landry for Dan Orlovsky.

Then, Ovechkin had this goal to force game 7 vs. the Rangers:


And to top things off, I didn't get swine flu. Thanks, God.

i know i am late

But seriously 50,000 hits nice move. Thanks for coming to our site. Now lets get another keg. Oh and also a cool koozie for it; SWEET.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Video Wake Up

This goes out to New York and Kenny F-ing Powers. "Listen up. We're on the clock."

Jeff Francoeur Bombs One

MVP candidate Jeff Francoeur has been overshadowed by some other baseball news, but you can't deny these numbers: .317 AVG 2 HR 12 RBI.

One of four hits for the Braves tonight. And it was a dinger.

Goosebumps...

Matt Stafford...

...is richer than you and the rest of the players in the NFL. There's probably a good reason the Lions went 0-16 considering they just gave $41.7 million in guaranteed money to a guy who might end up like Jeff George. Of course this gave ESPN a chance to rush a mediocre article to the front page full of gems such as:

He was 27-7 as a starter for the Bulldogs, throwing for nearly 51 touchdowns and nearly 8,000 yards with a powerful arm.>


Word repetition aside, how do you explain the phrase "throwing for nearly 51 touchdowns?" Isn't there an exact number? It's not like he threw to a midget (2 in one day!) and it counted as 2/3 of a touchdown. Kudos, ESPN, I bet most of your writers couldn't score better than an 80 on the spelling and grammar test.

I bet Stafford brings lots of intangibles to one of those Real World/Road Rules Challenges after his stint on the Real World:Sydney.


Friday, April 24, 2009

Mokkin Tips

Bobby Frasor Signs With White Sox

No, that's a lie, he's just going to throw out the first pitch in a June game. We all know that many of his passes end up in the crowd, so this will probably result in a souvenir for a lucky fan. I imagine it will look something like this:



Hey, Bobby, what do you think of us making fun of you all the time?



Well, that's uncalled for.

Tweet


\

Get Ready To Be Annoyed

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I Think My Head Just Exploded

I have a final in two days, so naturally I have explored the nether regions of the internet with much more vigor. Through this process I became more intrigued by Twitter until it finally culminated with me stumbling over this site. I am now a huge fan of Twitter. It's like a train wreck and car accident all rolled into one. Look at one of Indiana coach Tom Crean's entries:
I have obviously been out of town and out of touch. LUDAKRISS IS HERE THIS WEEKEND


Who knew the man was such a rap aficionado?

And now to the picture that gave me the headline to this post:

Boom Goes My Dynamite

Who got it first, bitches? I might have had something to do with it considering I email them about twice a day. What a bleak existence I lead. Time for some sad tissues, followed later by happy ones.

I Love ESPN.com Headline Writers

I didn't think Pittsburgh would have to resort to such drastic measures to win a playoff series. Aren't they up 3-1? I can only imagine New Jersey will try to copy this strategy as well.

For Those Keeping Score At Home

The Burgh is now a major fan of the following franchises:









Burgh...has a new idol.

Yes you heard it first here, Burgh is now a Oklahoma City Thunder fan...who would have thought?

New Sportscenter Commercial



I can only imagine what hijinks Hannah Storm, Josh Elliot, and Matt Ryan are planning. Probably has something to do with necrophilia. Or not. And doesn't Hannah Storm look a lot like that woman from "Lie to Me?"