Sunday, February 1, 2009

Live Blagojevich Time

We're gonna do this again. Equally sober. Oooops.

3:40 That might have been the most awkward picture of all time. They could not have been looking in more different positions

3:47 The best Cahill was definitely the one on Friends. But why is this one wearing a suit in this heat. Is that serious?

3:48 Darren Cahill's keys to the match for Federer: win more games and sets than Nadal.

3:49 I don't know whats more devastating- Nadal's incredible discrepency between size of his biceps or the fact that Andrew Bynum is injured. I think its Bynum because Federer doesn't give a fuck how big your arms are.

3:52 Davidson beat Samford by 3. SAMFORD. Curry also went 2-11 from 3. So basically, he's the Bobby Frasor of the SoCo. Plus a few NPOY votes.

3:53 When did Rafa start wearing knee sweatbands? Do his ankles get that slippery? Maybe he always used to wear those but we couldn't see those from his capris.

3:54 Federer breaks himself in the first game. I think Nike is paying him to make this match interesting for their 2 stars to be on TV as long as possible. On a related note, I count 13 swooshes on Rafa. 2 on each shoe, 2 on each sock, 1 on shorts, 1 on shirt, 2 on wrists and 1 on headband. No lie. The only place left is his left bicep.

3:58 After much analysis, we are convinced it is 13 total swooshes on Rafa. Break point for Rog.

3:59 Why do the line judges not get the special ballboy hats? Are they not equally exposed to the sun? But do they get neck shade? Nope. I think this is discrimination. We should not let Karl Hess wear pants or something.

4:02 Roger Federer makes me feel like an inferior species. He's like the Zelda to my Peach in Super Smash.

4:05 God breaks back. As if that was a surprise.

4:07 Why hasn't Roger traded up that gf yet? That girl must be dynamite in bed. All I'm saying is if I was a Bob's Beebs Girl, Roger would be my top pick of guy. Just throwing that out there.

4:08 Garbage Disposal is talking about girls being loyal and having good personality and presumably also his favorite technique for blowing dudes. Talk about it.

4:10 Nadal needs to be a man on these serves to even compete. Have some sack, dude.

4:11 Rafa's shoes look like Oregon's football team's. We've covered this already, but seriously.

4:14 2-2. Do you think line judges getting hit by balls looks like this up close?

4:17 Is the Roger Federer logo cool? I think if it was for anyone else I would think it was really gay, but Rog can do whatever the fuck he wants. So yes. Rick Fox could not pull that off. Just saying.

4:19 Absurd shot by RF. For 3.

4:21 We think as good as Roger is, we could totally drink him under the table. So I guess we got that going for us.

4:22 That might have been the closest challenge of all time. That was in by a Blagojevich hair.

4:25 Federer breaks. 4-2. Bad news bears for Rafa.

4:27 Nadal has hit 2 straight otherworldly shots. We need Gus Johnson to be calling this. Mabe its the alcohol, but this is an absolutely absurd match. Federer just double faulted break point. 4-3. Wow.

4:34 5-4 Federer. National Signing Day commercial on. Can you say daydrink? C'mon Moses. Too much to ask for for Massie and Bush too?

4:37 "That is literally exploding off this court" Really? Literally? Really?

4:38 Fact. Rafa is a Spanish Josh Hartnett. Its simple threeconomics. Fact.

4:41 How stupid are those signs that you expand and collapse? I feel like that is fad that could have existed in the 50s. Its not like its cool technology or witty or anything. Just kind of lame.

4:43 Nadal breaks Federer AGAIN. 5-4.

4:44 Apparently male models with pretty normal hair can't pick up chicks on the beach. Garbage Disposal says hes gay for those guys. I'm skeptical about the 1st point. The 2nd seems entirely plausible.

4:46 Evidently the winner of the first set goes on to win "most" of the matches between these 2. And McEnroe adds this insight: "for most matches, not just beween these 2". So how is that a meaningful stat? That's like saying first goal in soccer usually wins. Actually its even more obvious than that. So basically, no shit, hotshot.

4:50 7-5 Nadal. Satan just bought a new fleece and I don't mean Miroslav.

4:53 Nadal is owning Roger's 2nd serve. I'm not a tennis coach, but it seems like a simple solution would just be to get every 1st serve in.

4:55 Apparently the 1st game of the 2nd set was a "must game" for Federer. Maybe a little bold statement there, McEnroe. Just maybe. Regardless, he won. But if he didn't he could just go back in time and win that game if it turns out he needs it.

4:59 Did Derrick Thomas deserve to make it into the Hall of Fame? Pat Tillman was eligible this year. They should change the name of the NFL to the Pat Tillman League. Can't wait for the PTL Super Bowl tomorrow.

5:02 Maxoderm is the greatest idea ever. A cream you can rub on your johnson to make it bigger. How great of a cream must that be for your junk to look bigger when you rub it with cream? That's so unbelievable.

5:05 What do you think the name of that color Lacoste that the umps and ballboys wear? Creamsicle? Speaking of which, what happened to creamsicles? Those things were the bee's knees.

5:06 I think these guys would go a mile to run around their backhands right now. In 2 minutes.

5:07 Federer hits a forehand really long again. Lay off the weights there, Muscles Marinara.

5:08 Nadal is definitely putting sweat on the ball with every serve. Someone else needs to talk about these screwballs Joe Blanton Nadal is serving out there.

5:12 "He just unloaded on him". That's gross, McEnroe. Let's keep this PG.

5:13 2-2 in 2nd set. Looking at the crowd, you would think this was the Shanghai Open. Since when did Melbourne turn into the Seattle of Australia?

5:18 Nadal just broke Roger again. I'm blaming the Federer Express' killer hangover from his crazy night of banging his sex goddess girlfriend and boxing kangaroos.

5:20 On a normal camera shot, there are 14 Kia logos in the frame. That seems a little excessive. I mean, no one is going to buy 14 Kias. That would set you back like $800.

5:22 Federer holds. 4-3. Awkwardly erotic Progressive commercial is on, again. Garbage Disposal gives 3-2 odds that this match isn't over by the PTL Super Bowl. I hope its over by then so Roger can make it back to Tampa in time to win Super Bowl MVP.

5:27 If you are at work right now I pity you.

5:29 I wonder if Nike custom makes Nadal's shirts with different size sleeves.

5:39 6-3 Federer. Looks like a long night. Total lack of emotion on Federer's face. If basketball was tennis, Carolina would be in really good shape.

5:40 Nadal is running through the locker room talking to himself. My guess is hes rubbing the clear on his left arm.

5:43 Ok, he definitely just had a meeting with Victor Conte. Sick forehand.

5:44 According to Michael Bay, Nadal and Ben Affleck once had a secret mission to Japan after they bombed Pearl Harbor. True story.

5:47 Freddy Kruger looks funny in a linen suit and tie and no bowler hat. Probably a good call that he didn't wear that in the movies.

5:48 1-1 in the 3rd set. Fan shots are hilarious in tennis. I really don't think people look any funnier watching any other sport.

5:50 Let's put sensors in every sport. Tennis clearly has the best review in sports. Let's move it to other sports. How much better would bowling be if we immediately knew how many pins were felled? Or which ball was sunk in pool? It's late.

5:55 The Bearded One and Garbage Disposal are arguing about steroids in baseball too loudly to blog about tennis. 1998 was the best year for baseball ever and now baseball is boring. But its also the fan's fault for steroids by demanding homeruns. These arguments seem contradictory. Again, its late.

5:57 Federer is looking better surviving points than Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

5:58 This bird's eye view camera angle is badass as shit. So why are the higher up seats considered worse? I think tennis needs to institute NASCAR seat pricing. What if tennis adopted more NASCAR rules? Like BYOB in the stands. Can you imagine a bunch of drunk Britons at Wimbledon throwing cans of Old Speckled Hen at bad calls. How hilarious would that be? Also, what if after every break for switching sides there were 2 pace players who played each other slightly slower than the competitors and then the real guys jumped in? That one makes slightly less sense actually.

6:02 12 hours to Superbowl. Go Cards.

6:03 2-2 in 3rd set. I'm going to bed. More comments to follow tomorrow. Maybe.

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