Monday, February 9, 2009

Dancing with the Stars? OMG!

The final roster for Dancing with the Stars was announced today. I gave Trashley shit for seeing a live performance at the RBC Center, but I retract all of my comments after finding out that Shawn Johnson will be doing the Tango, Rumba, and other various dance moves that could lead the FBI straight to my house. She may be no Alicia Sacramone, but America's woodchuck midget sweetheart will be contending for the crown.

In related news, Julianne Hough will be participating once again. She previously mentioned that her music career would not allow her to compete, but apparently DWTS is much more important. Boners rejoice!

Let's break down the field:

Glue Factory

Odds: 50-1
There is no way that he will be able to convince women aged 18-92 to vote for him. Not even Kenny Mayne could survive the first round and he never stuck a firework up his ass.

Lawrence Taylor
Odds: 40-1
Ah yes, Taylor is the second most famous NY Giant that played for UNC (the venerable Madison Hedgecock tops the list). Football players usually do well, but I don't think Jerry Rice ever said anything like this: "Cocaine is totally different than steroids."

Gilles Marini
Odds: 30-1
Q: Qui?
A: Some French dude.

The Frisky Division

Chuck Wicks
Odds: 25-1

Apparently he is a country music singer. Who knew? I think he looks like a cross between Matt Leinart and Brody Jenner. That means he gets the slut and the bro vote.

Denise Richards
Odds: 23-1
Well, I think it's about time for another nude photo shoot.

Ty Murray
Odds: 20-1
Q: Who?
A: Some rodeo cowboy.

The Dark Horse

Lil' Kim
Odds: 15-1
No, that's not a racist comment, I just think her time in jail probably helped out her choreography immensely. I mean look what it did for these guys:

Go-Go Horse

Belinda Carlisle
Odds: 11-1
She was in the Go-Go's and Playboy. Nice.

The "We have not been relevant since 1998" Division

David Alan Grier
Steve Wozniak
Nancy O'Dell
Odds: ZZZZZ-1

The Juggernaut
Shawn Johnson

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